The World Association of Montyphiles


This is a collection of some great lines that Monterey Jack has said over the course of the series. I’ve split this up into two sections: one-liners and dialogues. If you have a Montyism not listed here, by all means send it in. Thanks!


  • “Strike me starkers ’til I’m blue in the morning!”

  • “Too-rah-loo!”

  • “Sell my clothes, I’ve gone to heaven!”

  • “Better lay off the nuts, lad. You are what you eat, y’know.”

  • “Slow? Why, I remember once back in ’07, I had to drive a herd of tortoises across the Galapagos islands. Now that was slow!”

  • “This reminds me of the time I got shanghaied in Shanghai on a junk full of junk. I think that happened twice!”

  • “Need some help, do you? That’ll teach you to give your eyes more rest.”

  • “Whee-hoo! Hooked me a whopper!” (when he roped a crocodile)

  • “Growing up around kangeroos makes you kind of punchy.”

  • Gandhi would want to take a swing at this kid!”

  • “I got a ragin’ case of the fidgetin’ willies!”

  • “I wouldn’t mind bustin’ me own ‘ead if I ‘ad a nurse like Gadget waitin’ on me.”

  • “I think that young Gadget’s elevator doesn’t go to the top floor.”

  • “‘Ey, Sleepin’ Beauty! Wake up! The baby’s stealin’ ya blind!”

  • “You guys think I’m wackier than a bowl full of mixed nuts!”

  • “Blimey! There’s one guinea pig I wouldn’t want to meet in a dark alley. ‘Course, I wouldn’t wanna meet him in a sunny alley, either.”

  • “Gadget luv, it’s not the end of the world! Just. . .the end of the plane?”

  • “This bird could stop on a dime and give you nine cents change!”

  • “Monterey Jack’s me name, and cheese huntin’s me game!”

  • When his mom was at the door & he didn’t want to answer it: “For once, be a fuller brush mouse!”

  • (while inside an artificial cat)
    “MEOW! MEOW! MEo- I’ve ‘ad nightmares about bein’ inside cats, but they were nothin’ like this!

  • “There’s only one thing I love more than cheese. Nothin’.”

  • (hearing birds) “Sounds like Alfred Hitchcock’s makin’ a movie over there!”

  • “Look at the size of this cheddar belly! I must have a six-inch waist.”

  • (after being squashed by a dino egg/spaceship) “Never been better! Been taller, however.”

  • Man the tomatoes and full seed ahead!

  • Oh, well! You only live twice!

  • This one’s for the Parmesan we left behind! (fires a plunger gun)

  • Bears’ve gotta raise bears, humans’ve gotta raise humans, and the grass is always greener when you remember to water it! It’s just the way things are.

  • Disgustin’ the way some people lose control! (when Ditz goes crazy Erkburgles)

  • Disgustin’ how some people can’t control themselves! (when Dale has a chocolate attack)

  • (Kiwi throws a spear at him) Tryin’ to make a point, eh?

  • I’m still in one piece! Kind of an odd-shaped piece, though.

  • Me tail’s been slammed, singed, kinked, and cracked! NOW IT’S PAYBACK TIME! YEEEEAAAARGH!


  • MONTY: Are you sure this’ll work, Gadget?
    GADGET: Well, not really, but it should!
    MONTY: Why do I ask?

  • RAT CAPONE: [taunting Monterey with a slab of brie ’86] De brie, Monty! De brie!
    MONTY: [bellowing] I’ll make debris outta you!

  • [Gadget and Dale dressed as Raggedy Ann and Andy.]
    GADGET: This should get his attention.
    MONTY: That, or a spot on The Gong Show.

  • GADGET: Monterey, being a Rescue Ranger is more than just harrowing narrow escapes and outrageous fights ’till the bitter end!
    MONTY: Since when?

  • GADGET: I guess it is a bit bright, isn’t it?
    MONTY: No, Gadget luv, the sun is bright. THAT thing is downright blindin’!

  • GADGET: Oh, Monty, how many times can the wings fall off a plane?
    MONTY: I dunno, you tell me!

  • PI-RAT: Bit small for a parrot. . .(referring to Zipper)
    MONTY: Eh, he’s been sick.

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